yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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