there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
