Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
