In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
