I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
