Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
