The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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