I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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