the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
