Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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