So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I want a musical about memes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
