If that was your dad, he is hot
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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