I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
