How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
