rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
