I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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