i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
