I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
