direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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