Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
