I'm really into asian looking animals
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
