i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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