i think my mom watched the whole time
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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