maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
