is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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