I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
