These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
