I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
