Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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