why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
