he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FUCK WHALES
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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