She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
