3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
