He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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