watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
