six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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