chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
