Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
