covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
