think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
