YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
