Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
