The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
