just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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