I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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