He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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