I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
