the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
