dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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