She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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