wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
even my farts smell like vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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