Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize