Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
