i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
