covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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