eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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