walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize