atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
