I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
