How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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