I'm sorry my penis didn't work
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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