she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
