When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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