He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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