I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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