New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
