I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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