Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
