i would punch a child for taco bell
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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