I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
