i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize